Welcome to “The Greatest Advice Column” from The Greatest Generation. To submit your own questions to Marty please email Marty@shenanigang.com
Dear Marty,
Recently I went on a date with this girl and she was perfect. But she was especially perfect for one of my best friends. I mean I was really into this girl. She was funny, smart, interesting, pretty. All the good things. The problem is that the more we started talking the more I realized how much she has in common with my buddy. She’s like him in girl form. I know the right thing would be to set them up but I don’t want to lose my chance with this great of a girl. What should I do?
Seems like you actually should just fuck your friend. I mean what was that crap? “She was so pretty she reminded me of my buddy”.
Just messing with you kid. But honestly, fuck your friend.
Let me tell you a story. Don’t roll your eyes at the old guy telling an old fable. This isn’t some “I had to walk up hills barefoot both ways with rocks in my backpack to get to school” fairytale. Just listen.
When I was a young man I played soccer and my coach always told us the same thing before every game.
The assist is more important than the goal
And even at a young age, maybe as young as 8, I knew this was a load of bullcrap. The goal counts more than the assist. Want to know how I know that? The goal is the one that makes them change the number on the scoreboard. It’s the more important one. Trust me.
Now how does this apply to your helpless love life? Kid, you’re on the goal line with an open net and you want to pass the ball away? Just to be seen as a team player? Pad your stats. Believe you won’t get that many shots in your career. Don’t let your friend get carried off the field on the team’s shoulders. No one ever made it into the hall of fame because of assists.
Tired,
Marty
The Greatest Advice Column From The Greatest Generation
Authored By Marty The Mean
Please send all questions to Marty@shenanigang.com
