~Welcome to ShenaniGang Conspiracy Theories. The only place on the internet where you can find conspiracy theories that are 100% true~
There is so much content on the internet regarding how to get rich. Our unfounded (but completely correct) guess is that “how to make more money” content is the most desired content out right now. Everyone wants to know the same thing: what are the steps I need to take to become extremely rich? How did the 1% do it? We beg the Warren Buffets and Bill Gates of the world to tell us how to do it. And here at ShenaniGang, we have come to the conclusion that the ultra wealthy are lying to us.
Let’s dive in. We’ve run the numbers here at ShenaniGang and discovered that if more regular people had money then there would be less money overall for rich people to acquire. This was our first hint that possibly rich people didn’t want regular people getting rich. It wasn’t until articles and podcasts started emerging with titles like “Warren Buffet’s 5 Tips To Making Money” or “Bill Gates Says You Need To Do These 3 Things Every Morning” that our suspicions were confirmed. Why would these rich people give away their secrets to getting rich and in turn give other people a chance to get money that they may want for themselves? But what if they weren’t doing this at all? What if in reality they were purposely giving bad advice to prevent normal people from attaining any level of wealth? Unfortunately, that is exactly what is going on here.
We here at ShenaniGang believe that at the Monthly Meeting Of The Filthy Rich And Obscenely Wealthy, that takes place on Elon Musk’s secret moon lair, these folks concocted a plan to maintain their stranglehold on the world’s wealth. How could we be so stupid (and poor)? As soon as this perspective was brought to light, the whole scheme became extremely apparent. I mean just look at some of the most common pieces of (bad) advice:
Wake Up Between 5-6 AM
Why? So we can be tired all day and not accomplish our goals?
Don’t Read Emails The Second You Wake Up
And miss that email where someone offers me millions of dollars? Yeah, wouldn’t you like that! Nope, I’m reading emails in my sleep pal.
Make Sure To Eat A Balanced And Healthy Breakfast
Hahaha this one is just laughable. Yeah sure why don’t I waste all my money on unnecessary food instead of investing back in my business. Do you know how much an avocado costs? It’s about one full employee’s salary at a startup. No thank you, i’ll eat that sweet profit for breakfast.
I’m sad it took us this long to uncover this miserable scheme but we hope now that we’ve laid it out as clear as day that you all will be able to move forward at your normal day jobs and become filthy stinking rich.
