Welcome to “The Greatest Advice Column” from The Greatest Generation. To submit your own questions to Marty please email Marty@shenanigang.com
Dear Marty,
Is it okay for the dog to sleep in bed with me? My girlfriend hates it but I’d hate to kick the little man onto the floor. What do you think?
Hmmm. I read the first part of your question and couldn’t believe my ex wife was trying to sleep with you too! Ha! Just a joke. I mean she was a dog who slept around. That part is true. Anyway….
This is simple kid. Who do you enjoy sleeping with more? Wait don’t answer just yet. Take your time.
The answer seems pretty obvious. I mean you’re weighing occasional sex, a lot of nagging, and an eventual breakup with a life long friend. Here’s the tricky part. If you stick with the girlfriend and kick the dog out, he’ll forgive you eventually once this relationship ends. The dog won’t hold any grudge. He’ll come back to the bed the second you ask him to. That’s what makes dogs so great. Girlfriends on the other hand aren’t so forgiving. You kick the girlfriend out and she isn’t coming back. I can assure you that. Thus, you need to tread carefully.
You know what, fuck that, I just convinced myself while writing this. Dog gets the bed. Girlfriend can deal with it or she can sleep alone on the beanbag labeled “Spot”.
Tired,
Marty
The Greatest Advice Column From The Greatest Generation
Authored By Marty The Mean
Please send all questions to Marty@shenanigang.com
