Welcome to “The Greatest Advice Column” from The Greatest Generation. To submit your own questions to Marty please email Marty@shenanigang.com
Editor’s Note: The other day I saw a clip of Michael Strahan on Good Morning America discussing an Elite Daily article about how much a person should text their significant other during the day. Obviously it was complete nonsense so I figured this week I’d send the question to Marty and see if he could do better. Spoiler: he does.
Dear Marty,
I recently read this article about how much you should text your significant other during the work day. Not sure what to make of it. Would love to hear your thoughts on the topic. Thanks Marty!
Okay kid so I read the article you sent. It was too long. Not like I had anything better to do but I don’t like scrolling too much. Anyway, just to start, what is all this nonsense with being an expert? Everyone is an expert these days. Where do they get these clowns anyway? I feel like every jackass who has gotten broken up with a few times thinks they can just call themselves an expert. Ah yes you, the girl who probably eats straight out of the tub of ice cream but only to feel like you are in a rom-com, you are the one who knows the exact scientific number of times a person should text their boyfriend/girlfriend a day. Give me a break.
Anyway, it doesn’t matter who is an expert and who isn’t because there couldn’t be a simpler answer to how many times should you text your significant other a day. It’s zero. none. zip. Don’t do it.
Want to know the secret to a happy relationship kid? Minimize contact. Heck, not only do I not want you to text me during the day, it would also be preferable if you weren’t there when I got home. Now that’s romantic. You ever see those couples that are all over each other at the beginning of a relationship. Those never last. They get too much of each other and it gets tired. If you want a relationship to last you need to avoid the other person as often as possible. This way you won’t get annoyed by them and then when you see them it will be like a nice surprise. I think you should meet up about twice a year. Let’s say at each other’s birthdays. That’s ideal.
Tired,
Marty
The Greatest Advice Column From The Greatest Generation
Authored By Marty The Mean
Please send all questions to Marty@shenanigang.com
