Welcome to “The Greatest Advice Column” from The Greatest Generation. To submit your own questions to Marty please email Marty@shenanigang.com
Dear Marty,
I’m a fucking idiot. I invited two different girls that I am hooking up with to the same party. I figured only one would show up so I wanted to increase my odds. Good news is that they both like me enough to show up. Bad news is they both left the party almost immediately after finding out about each other. What now?
Okay first of all, yes I agree, you are a freaking idiot. I also respect your hustle. But again, this is a real bone head move. Fortunately, not all is lost.
What we have here son is a true King Solomon situation. You know that old story right? Two women come to the King both claiming that a child is theres and he proposes cutting the child in half. One agrees to it while the other decides she would rather give up the child than have it harmed. The King then knows that the second woman is the true mother because a true mother would never harm her child. This worked but in hindsight this is freaking nuts. The first woman should have been thrown directly in jail. She was happily willing to cut a baby in half?! Instead they were just like “sorry miss this isn’t your baby, right along now”. Biblical times were crazy. Before my time though.
I’m rambling so let me connect the dots for you. Send them both a text saying you’re sorry and you want another chance. My guess is that one girl will forgive you and one will not. Give everything you got to the girl that won’t text you back and leave the forgiving girl behind. Any girl that is that easily willing to come back to a deadbeat like you is not worth it long term. You acted like a scumbag. Not a cutting-a-baby-in-half scumbag but close. The one not texting you back is the one that cares.
So get back out there and start cutting some babies in half. Or something like that.
Tired,
Marty
The Greatest Advice Column From The Greatest Generation
Authored By Marty The Mean
Please send all questions to Marty@shenanigang.com
