Recently, this article about how to live in New York on $25/hour was posted on Refinery29 and boy did it get people mad online. To quickly sum it up, the 21 year old writer explains how she is able to afford to live in the very expensive city of New York on her meager salary but instead of giving helpful tips to other eager interns her writing is unfortunately dripping in privilege . Basically, her parents pay for all of her expenses, including a very pricey rent and even some throwing around money. All in all, not a great look but I think what really got the internet mad was the lack of self-awareness even more so than the cushy lifestyle. I don’t even totally blame her. I blame Refinery29. This should have never been posted. She’s 21, what the fuck does she know. Take it from me. I’m 25 and I still can’t figure out how to open up a garbage bag on one try. I’m just hoping that I’ve got more stuff figured out by the time I’m (refinery) 29.
ANNNNNNNNNYWAYYYYYY
There was a lot of bashing of this girl on the internet but not much problem solving. People clicked on this article to get tips on how to live frugally and they never got that. They just got a bunch of mad takes from internet heros. Well, as the new mayor of the internet, I declare that one can only complain about something when they can also provide a better solution to what they are complaining about. So to set a good example for my new constituents, please find my strategy for actually living in NYC on $25/hour below:
To start, let’s look at the numbers holistically. $25/hour comes out to $2,990 monthly (accounting for taxes). Now let’s begin with the necessities.
Housing
For just $10/month you can get a membership to the gym Planet Fitness. This 10 dollars goes a loooooooooong way. For the low cost of just 10 dollars you can get yourself 24/7 access to a roof, a shower, and a totally rocking bod. Can you say bargain?
“But Daniel that obviously can’t work” you stupidly mutter
No? I not only believe this will work, I believe it’s full proof. Let’s say around 3 am you are awoken by a confused planet fitness employee in the 30 Minute Express Workout Zone ©. The employee tells you that you cannot sleep in the 30 Minute Express Workout Zone ©. Easy solution. You tell that employee that you weren’t sleeping you were just doing level 1 planks. This is a gym right? Boom. Now he’s on the defensive. Now after a few weeks of this it is possible that this employee starts to question if level 1 planks are even a thing. That’s when he’ll approach you once again in the 30 Minute Express Workout Zone ©. This is where you’ll have to bring out the big guns (And I ain’t talking about the guns on that sick bod of yours). When he asks you to leave you look him straight in his eyes and shove the Planet Fitness mantra right down his freakin’ throat.
Thought this was a judgement free zone?
Ahh got em. They really backed themselves into a corner with that slogan and you just backed yourself into a sweet ass apartment.
You may start to feel bad about living in the 30 Minute Express Workout Zone © in Planet Fitness but I implore you to think about it in a positive light. While most of your friends won’t be afforded the time to go to the gym on a regular basis due to their demanding jobs, you’re so poor that you simply can’t afford to not be at the gym.
Remaining dollars: $2,980
Food
Okay now let’s talk about sustenance. Very important but also very expensive. You need to find one food that can cover all your bases. Enter dollar pizza. The original super food. Even though the internet has ruined pizza it is still undeniable that this food touches all the main food groups; dairy, carbs, sauce, oven rust, sweat of an adult man. Yum nutritious!
1 pizza for breakfast, 1 pizza for lunch, and 2 pizza for dinner and you can stay full for 4 dollars a day. That means food for the month will only cost about $120.
Oh and you don’t even need to worry about all the carbs you’re eating. You live in a gym silly! This plan is flawless.
Remaining dollars: $2,860
Office
Okay so now you need a place to make the money that will afford you this lavish lifestyle. You’re in luck! Starbucks was acting all racist and now to make up for that any one can use their facilities whether they are a paying customer or not. Shucks! That’s free wifi, free office desks, free air conditioning, and free toilets.
In this day and age, all you need is an iPhone to get work done. Don’t have one? Who cares. I’m pretty sure you can get any iPhone model that was made before the iPhone 5 for free. I mean who in their right mind would be caught with anything older than an iPhones 5. Hahahah what are they poor?
Remaining dollars: $2,860
Fun
Now that you’re set up with the essentials, let’s talk about how you’re going to blow off some steam. There are tons of things you can do in the vibrant city of New York. Here are some options I’d suggest:
- Fall in love with a Catfish online. Pay money for pictures of her feet.
- Get involved in a multi-level marketing company. Convince everyone you know that it is definitely not a pyramid scheme. Consistently buy very expensive things to keep up appearances.
- Find a drug dealer named Bamboo Shoes. Let him kick your ass and steal your wallet. Do not cancel your credit card. Mr. Shoes has expensive taste.
Remaining dollars: $10
Friends
One of the most joyous parts of life is good friends. Make sure to keep in contact with the friends who mean the most to you. Surprise them with gifts from time to time. I don’t know how about something like a one month free membership to Planet Fitness, the judgement-free zone and home to the 30 Minute Express Workout Zone ©
Remaining dollars: $0
And that my friends is how to actually live in NYC on $25/hour.
