CHARLOTTE, NC – Now officially 2 years out of college, 24 year old Freddie “Big Bat” Lynne, realized that the majors were never calling. Up until that point he had kept the dream alive but now he feared it was time to put the batting gloves away. Although this was an emotional moment, Lynne couldn’t stop fixating on how his friends had called this. It was reported that all throughout childhood his friends would attempt to convince him to give up on his dreams of being in the MLB. They told him that that he just wasn’t good enough and shouldn’t waste his time. Now at the ancient age of 24, Lynne looks back on his life and wonders if his friends were unsupportive or if in reality they were clairvoyant. He quickly lands on the position that all of his friends must have had the ability to see into the future as the explanation for their lack of support.
When reached for comment, Lynne’s childhood friend, Bryan Deguilio, sent back a one sentence email reading “Did he tell you he gave the nickname Big Bat to himself?” Upon hearing this message, Lynne admitted that he did give the nickname to himself but that was only because “Everyone else was too intimidated by the Big Bat to call the Big Bat the Big Bat.” Additional emails from other childhood friends revealed that Lynne hadn’t played baseball since Little League. Lynne did not refute this new information but rather doubled down on it saying “my little league game was transformative. I knew that the tape on me at 8 was good enough for MLB scouts. I got two medals that season and walked off the field”. In further conversations with Deguilio it was confirmed that Lynne did receive two medals that season, “one was for participation and one was for eating the most grass. None of us are clairvoyant, we just know the MLB isn’t a grass eating competition.”
Up to this point, no tapes have been found on Lynne’s little league game. Deguilio assumes that Lynne’s parents “burned that shit immediately. Nobody needs a video of their kid eating that much grass”
