I’ve Decided To Teach Myself How To Read

It’s 2019. It’s about time I learn how to read.

Not sure when I forgot. I remember reading Holes in 3rd grade so it definitely happened after grade school. I didn’t read a single book they assigned in high school but I always chalked that up to being “too cool for school” without ever considering the possibility that I was actually incapable of reading. Hmm. I guess I’ll never know exactly when I forgot how to read but regardless it’s definitely time to get back out there.

Now you may be wondering how I’ve been strutting around all these years without being able to read. Well first off, when it comes to the blog, I’ve been sending voice notes to my Mom and having her transcribe them onto the site. Thanks Mom!

College was a little tricky without the ability to read but I was able to figure it out. I just took all Philosophy classes and then for every test I would just write “Why?” as the answer. You’d be surprised how often that is correct.

That brings us to holding down a job. You might think that not being able to read would really hurt me in the workplace but nope I’ve got that one wrapped up too. No matter what email I receive I will reply by saying either “Great – let me just regroup internally and then circle back” or “Thanks! Let’s take this offline”. Now listen closely. No one in the history of the world has ever circled back or taken “this” offline. You just need to say one of these phrases and then poof problem solved.

I don’t NEED to learn how to read. It’s not a useful skill. But it might be a fun hobby. Could be cool to impress a date. But truly not much different than learning how to knit or juggle.

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