By Randi Mack
Every so often you go to kiss your wife. On one hand it’s amazing. She is one of those women who has mastered the art of going from a closed-mouth innocent girl peck to an open-mouthed succubus faster than you can say “Hey the love of my life.” Note: Remember to say “Hey the love of my life” in other contexts because all she has heard is “Hey-mmphfffmmmmm”
On the other hand, you can’t help but notice, as time passes, the scent, flavor, and texture of her mouth more and more resembles everyone’s favorite underwater bug: shrimp. It’s not that it doesn’t vary. Some days it’s more of a shrimp scampi, others it’s paired with the light scent of cocktail sauce. You’ve spent hours seeing if it was related to her mood or the color pants she wears, but there is no connection, only shrimp.
Now, unlike the more well-known “eel-limb syndrome” that afflicts the arms and legs of many spouses over the years, this shrimp issue actually has solutions that have worked for many. As someone who has studied this for years, I have found the following methods to prove the most effective.
- By far the easiest solution is to acquire a taste for shrimp. Eat shrimp all day, eat shrimp all night. It’s actually best if you too can make your mouth as shrimpy as possible. Over time, anything less than shrimp would be uncomfortable.
- Some people struggle to revel in their wife’s shrimpy mouth. A few was benefited with a quick and easy injection of bear DNA. Soon your wife’s mouth will become a delicacy and your desire to devour her will spur more play in the bedroom!
- Some cannot bear the taste of shrimp. The final method, is each time your wife goes in for her kiss, use your forefinger to hook her cheek like she’s a fish. This will be a cute reminder that she needs to brush the teeth of that shrimpy mouth. She may even enjoy the playfulness. Many couples have enjoyed subsequent fish-fisherperson foreplay that has further invigorated their marriage.
