It’s Thursday, April 4. Back in action after a week off – here’s what to watch the rest of the week
1. The Sixers’ Struggle at Back-Up Center
I’m going to lead with a blunt statement – the Sixers are a mediocre team without Joel Embiid. When Embiid plays this season, the Sixers are a stellar 42-20. When he doesn’t, they’re 7-9. It’s that simple.
If we break that Embiid-less 7-9 record down further, it includes the following losses: Atlanta (twice), Chicago, and a Luka-less Dallas. Yes, Atlanta has been hot recently, but one of the losses was back on Jan. 11 when the Hawks were still shitting themselves on the court on a nightly basis.
Naturally, the Sixers have been placing a greater and greater emphasis on finding their go-to back-up center. They started the season with Amir Johnson and Jonah Bolden on the roster. Johnson is the veteran between the two, and frankly sucks. Bolden, the Australian rookie, has shown tantalizing flashes of floor-stretching and athleticism, but has played with the consistency of Montana cell phone service. Then during the season, Philly acquired Boban Marjanovic as part of the larger Tobias Harris trade, giving them a historically efficient scoring option. But the 7-3, 290-pound Marjanovic is a defensive liability anywhere other than directly under the rim and moves like he’s wading through water.
But now the Sixers have a new option! Philly will sign center Greg Monroe today, who was waived by the Nets in February and just finished out a 10-day contract with the Celtics. He’s averaging 4.8 points and 4.1 rebounds this season, and really doesn’t shore up any of the Sixers’ weaknesses at the position. Woopie.
Arguably the dumbest part of all of this is that the Sixers are now using five of their thirteen roster spots on centers, only one of whom can even moderately play power forward (Bolden). They’d better hope Embiid can play 35+ minutes per game, no questions asked come playoff time.
2. I Don’t Think We Fully Realize How Bad the Suns Are
How do you lose so much with this kind of talent?
News came early Thursday morning that the team would be sitting star guard Devin Booker down for the final three games of the season with a sprained ankle. I bring this up because Booker had been balling out of his mind recently. He was averaging 36.2 points per game over his last 11 contests, scoring at least 25 in all.
Some highlights, you ask? 40 points in New Orleans on March 16, 59 points in Utah on March 25, 50 points against Washington the next game, and then 48 points against Memphis the night after that.
And you wanna hear the craziest part? The night Booker exploded for 59 points on the road against the Jazz, he was a net minus 13. His team lost by 33. But basketball’s not a one-man game, so let’s explore the rest of the roster.
Here’s the Sun’s starting five: DeAndre Ayton, Dragan Bender, Devin Booker, Mikal Bridges and a rotating cast of Josh Jackson/Kelly Oubre/Tyler Johnson.
DeAndre Ayton is your likely Rookie of the Year if Luka Doncic and Trae Young weren’t having transcendent first-year campaigns. Tyler Johnson is sufficiently competent. Josh Jackson and Dragan Bender are unpolished, but deeply talented young players. Kelly Oubre was proved a valuable part of an NBA rotation over the years. And couple that with Booker, who averaged nearly 27 points per game this season.
There’s no reason for this team to be this pathetic. The Suns have the second-worst record in the NBA this season, and a quick glance at some other teams reveals no fewer than a half-dozen teams with far worse rosters. Head coach Igor Kokoskov might already be a dead man walking, but if not, he needs to improve this team drastically next season if he’s going to survive.
3. Lance the Living Treasure
I know this happened last week, but I don’t care. I couldn’t help but laugh out loud at the Lance Stephenson’s latest ankle breaker, his March 26 dusting of Jeff Green.
Is there a chance that this Lakers team is actually more fun without LeBron? Just try to watch this video without a smile on your face. It’s Lance Stephenson doing what Lance Stephenson does best, and a cast of absolute goons looking on in pure merriment. This team has nothing yet to play for, yet they’re having the time of their lives as they circle down the toilet bowl. They can’t play this freely when LeBron and the expectations he carries are around.
But seriously, let’s explore this further – without LeBron, this team would have been able to fully explore its goofiness and stupidity in a way never before seen. Sure, you could make that point that this ridiculous cast of characters – Lance, JaVale, Rondo, (previously) Michael Beasley – wouldn’t be together in the first place if not for LeBron, but man… This would’ve been fun to watch over the course of a whole season. It would’ve been the most exciting, highest rated 25-57 season in the history of the NBA.
As for Lance himself, this is nothing new for him. Check out another one of his greatest hits. Even the mere sight of Lance breaks ankles.
He’s the ultimate enjoyment when you get to enjoy him from afar. But if word ever leaks that your team is going to sign him, you’ll have your picket signs ready before the official press release even drops.
4. Top 10 List – Adam Silver’s To-Do
As I wrote about earlier in the season, there’s a very good chance that we see an NBA Finals match-up that looks something like Nuggets-Raptors. And while basketball purists might revel in seeing Nikola Jokic square up against the league’s deepest bench, it would likely be a ratings nightmare for the league. Here’s what Adam Silver will be doing over the next few weeks to make sure his playoffs ratings are as high as possible:
10. Silver tells the Magic to cut costs by using their players in their halftime shows, recommending magic tricks to stay on brand; “Sword-swallowing is always popular,” he suggests
9. Silver pushes league owners to pass an emergency resolution declaring that there is one, unified Los Angeles basketball team; “Somebody call LeBron!” Silver screams
8. He furthers the NBA’s liberal agenda by barring teams from red states, breathing a sigh of relief as he crosses the Pacers off his whiteboard
7. The Nuggets are forced to smoke weed before each game, saying that Denver has been selected “at random” as the test group for the league’s new study on how marijuana affects assist-to-turnover ratio
6. Silver demands that the led be reintroduced to the city of Detroit’s water supply; “That was Flint, you idiot,” whispers his deputy commissioner
5. Learning that the Trail Blazers currently have first-round homecourt advantage, he mandates that the Blazers play all future home games out of Portland, Maine
4. Hypothesizing over how to get Dwayne Wade and his farewell season into the playoffs, Silver offers visiting players free admission to Miami’s famous Orchids of Asia Day Spa
3. The commish institutes a new rule that coaches can only play the players whose last names they can spell, and crosses Milwaukee off his list
2. He requires all Toronto players and coaches to apply for a working visa before playing any games in the territorial United States, a process which usually takes 3-5 months
1. Invoking the “For the Good of the Game” clause, Silver gives the Warriors a first-round bye and stem cell injections; lawyers from the other 29 teams comb tirelessly through the league rules and standards, unable to find any mention of the clause
5. Did You Know?
I am completely hijacking this week’s Did You Know for some shameless self-promotion. I want to call out Russell Westbrook’s 20-point, 20-rebound, 20-assist game from Monday night. You might have seen that it was only the second 20-20-20 triple-double in history, and the first since Wilt Chamberlain did it in February of 1968. Let it be known that in literally the previous edition of the Starting 5, I called this out in the Did You Know? section – that Wilt was the only dude to ever have a 20-20-20 triple-double.
Go me!
