It’s Thursday, May 9 – and I’m eating my words. Here’s what to watch for.
1. I Owe Kawhi An Apology
I’m sorry, Mr. Leonard.
I’m sorry that I didn’t think that you could keep up the impossible, ridiculous, unconscionable reign of terror that you have unleashed upon the Philadelphia 76ers. After the first two games of the series, Kawhi was averaging a clean 40 ppg on 61.7% shooting, to go along with 9 boards and 4 assists. Well, we’re five games into the series now, and Kawhi is averaging 34.6 ppg on 59% shooting, to go along with 9.8 boards and 4 assists. Soooo…yeah.
Every single time that Kawhi has attempted a shot this series, I have believed to my core that he was going to make it. That’s how automatic he’s been, I’ve never seen a player so dominate in one series. And it’s bizarre because I have been a sports fan throughout the 16 magical seasons that LeBron has given us. And he is undoubtable the greatest basketball player in those 16 seasons. And yet, I don’t recall marveling at one player for an entire series the way I’m marveling at Kawhi Leonard right now – he is single-handedly dismantling the 76ers. The Raptors suck. Nick Nurse sucks. It’s all Kawhi. And don’t tell me that Game 5 was a team effort – I’ll get to that shortly.
Kawhi smells blood. He’s heading to a hostile environment in Philly for Game 6 with the potential to clinch a trip to the Eastern Conference Finals. He’s going to put up 40, 10, 8, and 0.
Zero is the number of words he’ll say on the court.
2. The 76ers Owe Me An Apology
Watching the Sixers play basketball on Tuesday night was like passing a kidney stone, but I still had to go to work the next day.
I’ll start with Joel Embiid, who still had the nerve to talk about how dominant he is after a 13-point, 8-turnover performance. He now has 24 points total in his last two contests. Sure he has the flu. But Jordan scored 38 with the flu. That’s dominant. And you’re gonna let Marc Gasol continue to own you? It ain’t 2011, buddy.
But we all know who’s really at fault here. The restriction known as Ben Simmons, who needs to be traded immediately. He refuses to learn how to shoot, refuses to learn how to space the floor, and refuses to learn how to be a leader. What is his ceiling? A really good Lonzo Ball? Yuck.
I spent the majority of the regular season screaming for the Sixers to get rid of Brett Brown in the offseason. It still might happen, and I certainly wouldn’t picket outside the Wells Fargo Center if it does. But none of these postseason shortcomings have been Brett’s fault, the two most ghastly coming in Philly’s last two games. Game 5 was one of the most miserable performances I have ever seen from a basketball team.
And yet, even though it feels like it, somehow this series isn’t even over.
3. Tyronn Loser
I know I’m not the only one licking my lips as the Lakers hurtle towards yet another disastrous misstep that will set their franchise back years.
The crazy thing is, I’m not even a LeBron hater. Sure, I hated him when he went to the Heat. But then he came back to Cleveland, and everybody loved him again! And after he got Cleveland that title, no one was gonna be mad when he inevitably packed his bags again.
But boy is it fun to watch the dumpster fire that is the Lakers. Years of no playoffs. Magic as your team president. A former agent as your GM. A Playboy model as an owner. Lonzo, Michael Beasley, JaVale McGee, and Rondo all on the same team! And we haven’t even mentioned LaVar!
Magic stepping down was hilarious, but not as hilarious as all the subsequent Twitter roasting.
But now we may have entered the finest part yet. The Lakers are actually going to bring in Ty Lue to coach! The same Ty Lue who was fired by the Cavaliers 45 minutes into the season. The same Ty Lue who once tried this as an in-game adjustment. The same Ty Lue who would shine LeBron’s shoes if he asked.
An extra-juicy wrinkle here is the Lakers’ reported love of Jason Kidd. Apparently, the Lakers loved Kidd during their interview with him, so they want to bring him on…as Lue’s assistant. This is hilarious on many levels.
First, it is the coach who makes his staff, not the team. This is a tenant far
more sacred in football, but in basketball as well. Secondly, Kidd is known to
be a bit of a snake to work with on the bench. He made a (failed) power play to
become the de facto GM during his tenure with Milwaukee. And before that, back
as the Nets’ head coach, he was so insecure while having assistant coach Lawrence
Frank run his team’s defense during practices that he literally screamed at him
in front of the team and relegated him to a film preparation role.
I told you this was gonna be great!
4. A Friendly Reminder
The Bucks finished off their 4-1 series victory over the Celtics, sweeping after a Game 1 loss. Would just like to remind everyone of this after Game 1.
And I will continue to remind you of this. Can you hear it?
5. Top 10 List – Magic Tweets
It seems that part of the reason Magic Johnson stepped down as Lakers president is that he didn’t feel enough freedom to engage with non-Lakers NBA players. One of his favorite ways to do so is through his beloved Twitter, so here are some of the Tweets he’s been sending out since he left LA.
10. “Sometimes I miss working with Beadle, she fine as hell”
9. “Taking my meds!”
8. “LeBron would look great in purple and gold!!!”
7. “Oh shit, we got him last summer lmaoooo”
6. “I think the Lakers should take a different approach in their front office. Perhaps Kobe?”
5. “Trying this DM thing for the first time – Jeannie, are you getting this?”
4. “Does anyone else think Rob Pelinka looks like Rob Lowe?”
3. “For the last time, they’re not dentures”
2. “What happened to all the good white players? None of them American anymore #LarryBird”
1. “Anybody looking to be the Lakers president? I get a $500 referral”
