The Starting 5 – Draft Madness Recap

It’s Thursday, May 16 – I’m still too sick to my stomach to talk playoff basketball after Kawhi’s miracle hoist on Sunday. I haven’t watched it, I haven’t read about it, I haven’t bet on it, and I will continue to shun it in all forms. All I’m concerned about sports-wise right now is Bryce Harper and his struggles at the plate (maybe give him a day off, Gabe?).

And I’m not in the mood to be funny either, so no Top 10 list. It hurts me as much as it does you.

But what I can do for all you loyal readers is dissect the madness that was Tuesday night’s draft lottery. I’m not sure if it’s rigged, like my editor is. He’s probably right, but regardless, here are my takeaways.

1. The Pelicans at No. 1

It seems like the basketball gods don’t want homegrown megastars to leave their original teams. Because when they do so, the hardwood holinesses often jump in and right the wrong. LeBron leaves Cleveland for the first time?  Cleveland wins the 2011 draft lottery (and three of the next four) and selects Kyrie Irving.  Anthony Davis demands a trade and starts interviewing realtors? Zion to the rescue!

What makes things particularly interesting here is that the Pelicans are the only team picking in the top eight to have made the playoffs in the past two seasons. Let’s not forget that a year ago, they had a first-round demolition of the Portland Trail Blazers, sweeping them as a feisty six seed. And now they have the number one pick. But now is not the time for the Pels to be looking in the rearview mirror.

GM David Griffin and coach Alvin Gentry will probably tell you that they’re hoping that this stroke of good fortune will help convince Anthony Davis to rescind his trade demand. But there’s not a chance in hell of that –  I doubt that Griffin and Gentry even believe it. At the end of the day, a Davis-Williamson-Jrue Holiday core is not enough to get your team over the hump, even with the much-expected offseason implosion of the Golden State Warriors. And Davis’ reputation in New Orleans, while not completely destroyed, can never be fully glued back together unless he pulls a LeBron and comes back. But that’d be years down the road, and LeBron never demanded an in-season trade.

So let’s assume Williamson comes and Davis goes. The Pelicans would have a core of Zion Williamson, Jrue Holiday, Julius Randle, E’Twaun Moore, Elfrid Payton, Jahlil Okafor, Cheick Diallo, and Christian Wood. And frankly, Randle probably opts out of his deal to a) capitalize on his career year and b) avoid the Zion logjam – in no world would Zion and Randle be able to coexist on a court together. The Pels will also wisely decline their club option on Okafor.

So now we’re down to Zion, Jrue, Moore, Payton, Diallo and Christian Wood. There’s some intriguing young talent there. After wandering aimlessly through a good chunk of the season, Payton hit a stretch where he was a triple-double machine. And Diallo and Wood have the potential to become quality starters in this league after promising 2018-19 campaigns. So we have something here.

And then of course, we have Jrue Holiday, the unquestioned best player on the team outside of Davis. He’s 28 and coming off the best season of his career. The Pelicans absolutely, 100% have to trade him too. David Griffin is the right guy to have at the helm right now, as he navigated numerous high-profile trades while with the Cavaliers. And believe me, the Pels will get massive, massive returns if they’re able to spin off both Davis and Holiday this offseason.

For the first time in months, things are finally looking up for the Pelicans.

2. The Grizzlies at No. 2

I was going to start out this section with something along the lines of, “Outside of the Pelicans, the Grizzlies were the winners of Tuesday night’s draft lottery.” But then I was like…oh wait. Duh.

But you know what I mean, right? It seems like the Grizzlies are very much winners here, because I think that Murray State’s Ja Morant is going to be a stud. But they have to be kicking themselves a bit for not offloading Mike Conley during the season. There were times where it almost seemed like a foregone conclusion that Mike Conley and Marc Gasol would be shipped out, and though Gasol ended up in Toronto, a deal for Conley never materialized. Now, Morant comes in to play point guard, a position still staffed by Conley.

But on the bright side, it’s much easier to work with overlapping guard skill sets than those of forwards. It might even be beneficial for Morant to spend a season as more of a SG, capitalizing on his incredible playmaking ability and further sharpening his scoring.

There’s also absolutely no rush and no pressure on Morant in Memphis. The Grizzlies are completely talent-deprived and aren’t going anywhere any time soon.

3. The Knicks at No. 3

C’mon, you guys didn’t actually think the Knicks were gonna win the lottery, right? I frankly think the Cavs are gonna win it every year until they don’t.

The Knicks will likely have to “settle” for R.J. Barrett to fill their need at forward. He’s an inch shorter than Zion….and 80 pounds lighter. But the boy can play, and would be a fantastic fit alongside Kevin Durant and Kyrie Irving. The flipside of him being a bit frail at forward is that he has the skills to handle the ball and incredible athleticism.

And don’t think for a second that since the Knicks missed out on the first overall pick, that they’re now somehow out of the trade market. Kevin Durant is not going to be lured to New York by the promise of playing with the third overall pick in the draft. He’s going to need at least one fellow superstar.

But in the short-term, feel free to keep the Knicks as the butt of all NBA jokes.

4. The Lakers at No. 4

Does anybody actually believe Lakers GM Rob Pelinka/Lowe when he says the Lakers might keep this pick? The Lakers already have more young, solid, developing players than they know what to do with – to the point of spending months last season trying to package different iterations of them into some sort of Human Centipede trade offering for Anthony Davis.

The Lakers are trading this pick, and there’s no doubt about it. They’re going to package it with some of their snot-nosed brats, and hopefully turn it into something LeBron can work with. If the Lakers can somehow sign Klay Thompson, and make a big trade, they’re in business.

The Lakers don’t deserve the asset they were just gifted for a number of reasons. Obviously, being bad is what earns you a shot at a high draft pick, and the Lakers were certainly that. But they weren’t cute bad, like the Grizzlies or the Cavs were. They’re the fucking Lakers, and they were to blame for their disaster of a season.

On a macro note, season one of LAbron was spent realizing that the coach, roster, and team president weren’t going to work. If those truly were things they needed to get out of the way (which is sometimes the case with LeBron), then they might be fine going forward. But if year two is going to be spent realizing that Pelinka doesn’t work, and that the roster realignments have failed again, then LeBron’s tenure in Los Angeles will officially be an unsalvageable failure.

5. The Suns at No. 6

Thank God the Suns didn’t get another top draft pick. Because this team completely pisses me off.

I know they’re young. I know they’re raw. I know they’re poorly coached. But this team has such a ridiculous level of talent, that it’s frankly embarrassing. Devin Booker is a 22-year-old stud with a 70-point game under his belt. Deandre Ayton actually had the highest PER of all regular Suns starters, and would’ve won Rookie of Year had this not been one of the greatest rookie classes in NBA history. Josh Jackson averaged 17 ppg in his second year. Mikal Bridges played all 82 games of his rookie season and is going to blossom into a beautiful 3 and D player. I don’t know who the fuck TJ Warren is, but apparently he averaged 18 ppg and shot 43% from 3 last year. And that’s not even mentioning Kelly Oubre, or De’Anthony Melton, or Dragan Bender, or Tyler Johnson, or Ray Spalding.

Literally fuck this team. This team is LOADED with talent. Loaded. You give this roster to half the coaches in the NBA, and they’re in the playoffs. No amount of shame I can throw their way will suffice – there’s no excuse for having one of the worst records in the NBA.

If the Suns don’t make the playoffs next season, they should be banned permanently from the NBA. Or as Adam Silver calls it, “Donald Sterlinged.”