As of late, things have gotten out of hand in the Men’s locker room. Everyone is aware of the fact that old people walk around naked. We just kind of accepted that and moved on. But now it seems like everyone feels they have a right to walk around naked. Well, we just can’t have that.
Listen, I get that it’s a locker room and you’re apt to see some things you’d prefer not to but lately it seems like people are doing it on purpose. The locker room used to be a get in and get out scenario. Do your business and keep it moving. Nowadays people are taking their sweet time. Wash your hands in the sink. Sit on the bench. Oh wait you forgot to dry your hands. Head over to the hand dryer. All completely naked. It’s a room of goddamn mirrors. You’re not giving everyone in here much choice. We’re in your prison now because you couldn’t put any underwear on.
I’m okay with nudity. I just think it needs to be earned. There needs to be a cutoff. Age is a bit restricting though. I could say that no one under 65 can be naked but then I know the 63 year olds will start to skirt the rules. Now I have to walk up to a naked 63 year old and ask for some I.D.? Nope. Not going to happen. Plus, I already know he doesn’t have it on him based on the fact that he isn’t wearing any pants.
Here is the new official rule: You are not allowed to walk around the gym completely nude unless you are retired. Once you officially retire from your career then you can feel free to retire those undies. This will still limit the age of naked people to mostly 65+ but it leaves room for variables. It’ll motivate the young entrepreneurs. Selling your multi-million dollar company at 43 and retiring? Good for you – drop those shorts! Still on the LIRR everyday at 72? Sorry bud, no one wants to see that pale commuting ass.
Order has officially been restored.
