So I had a bad opening week to kick off the season. Whatever. I told you which NFL teams you should bet on, not that you shouldn’t vaccinate your children.
Okay, sorry. I’m just a little irked after the NFL’s opening weekend. I had a few good calls (Raiders, Colts, Cardinals), and some pretty bad ones. Let’s get back on track.
Week 1: 5-10
2019 Season: 5-10
THE LOCKS
Los Angeles Chargers at Detroit Lions (+1.5)
Sunday, Sep 15 – 1:05 EST
The Detroit Lions are an embarrassment of a franchise. Last week, they were up 24-6 in the fourth quarter against a rookie quarterback in his first start, and found a way to go to overtime with the score 24-24 and subsequently earn themselves a 27-27 tie. Matt Patricia was brought in from New England to be a no-nonsense type guy and instill a new defensive culture. How’s that going?
What Detroit really needed this week was someone like Giants or the Dolphins to come to town. They could smack them around a bit and get back on track. Instead, they a top-10 NFL team in the Chargers.
My main man, Sheil Kapadia of The Athletic, always tell you to watch out for the home underdog. This is the NFL, and these are men. But these aren’t men, these are the Lions.
Pick: Chargers -1.5
Seattle Seahawks at Pittsburgh Steelers (-3.5)
Sunday, Sep 15 – 1:05 EST
I am not making this prediction because I think that the Steelers are a division-winning talent. I am making this prediction because if the Steelers do not win against the Seahawks this week, they are absolutely fucked.
The Steelers absolutely humiliated themselves (and me) in their Sunday night showdown last week on the road against the Patriots. Embarrassment on a national scale like that will give you a hunger and fury if you truly are a dangerous football team. And I still believe for the moment that the Steelers are a dangerous football team.
On the other side of the aisle, the Seahawks were almost upset in Week 1 by the Bengals, though it’s worth noting that the Bengals looked far better expected. Zac Taylor might be onto something with the offense he has installed, but more importantly, Pete’s Seahawks have never faired well on their road openers (1-8), so don’t look too much into that. They’re still a good football team, but Steelers have their backs against the wall.
Pick: Steelers -3.5
Minnesota Vikings at Green Bay Packers (-2.5)
Sunday, Sep 15 – 1:05 EST
Here’s the deal on the Packers – that newly assembled defense looks to be for real. Mitch Trubisky is pretty bad, yeah. But the Bears have some legitimate offensive weapons, all of whom were neutralized on defense. As for the Green Bay offense? They’re much better than the 10 points they put up in Chicago – that was on the road against arguably the best defense in the NFL.
Though the Packers’ true home field advantage is usually in full swing in November and beyond, Lambeau is still a damn hard place to get a victory. And does anyone actually trust Kirk Cousins? He got an easy victory last week against the Falcons while only attempting TEN passes. Things won’t be so easy this time around.
Pick: Packers -2.5
AND ALL THE REST
Indianapolis Colts at Tennessee Titans (-3)
Pick: Colts +3
Buffalo Bills at New York Giants (+2)
Pick: Giants +2
Arizona Cardinals at Baltimore Ravens (-13)
Pick: Cardinals +13
New England Patriots at Miami Dolphins (+18.5)
Pick: Miami +18.5
Dallas Cowboys at Washington Redskins (+5.5)
Pick: Cowboys -5.5
Jacksonville Jaguars at Houston Texans (-7.5)
Pick: Texans – 7.5
San Francisco 49ers at Cincinnati Bengals (Pick ‘em)
Pick: Bengals
Kansas City Chiefs at Oakland Raiders (+7)
Pick: Chiefs -7
New Orleans Saints at Los Angeles Rams (-2)
Pick: Saints +2
Chicago Bears at Denver Broncos (+1.5)
Pick: Broncos +1.5
Philadelphia Eagles at Atlanta Falcons (+1)
Pick: Falcons +1
Cleveland Browns at New York Jets (+6.5)
Pick: Browns -6.5
