There’s two things that need to happen immediately in regards to the producers of “The Bachelor”. First, they need to be given giant raises. Then, they need to be thrown directly in jail.
What they have pulled off this season is so absolutely mesmerizing that it’s criminal. They must be magicians as they have pulled an entire show out of thin air.
Now, I’m not the biggest Bachelor fan in the world but I still like to know about the big Bach moments. I’m interested in who this season’s Chad or Corrine is. Anyway, as far as I’m concerned, Colton has been an absolute dud of a bachelor. Boring as heck. He sold his story of being a virgin for some TV time and it (obviously) could not carry the show. But people are still watching. Now why is that?
Well two viral miracles happened. First, the fake British accent.
20 million views on this bad boy! I’d be lying if I said this didn’t pique my interest. I mean this is straight up quality content. Full transparency, I tuned into the first episode to see how this went down. When would she tell him the truth? How long would she keep the accent up? It was funny enough to pull people in. Fantastic job producers. But this was only their second best trick. Because then came #ColtonJumpsTheFence
Sorry this was the best video I could find but essentially the producers teased that during one point in the season Colton would totally lose it and run away from the cameras. Run away from goddam Chris Harrison. This was an absolute shining light. Wow is Colton actually some wild card and not boring ass white bread?
Wellllllllll… we’re just a few short episodes from the end of the season and Colton still has not jumped over the fence yet. Before every episode the Bachelor social accounts make it seem like this is the week he does it but it has not happened yet. This is blatant bait-and-switch. At this point I am truly not sure how this is legal. People are legitimately only tuning in to see what drives him to his one exciting moment of the season. It trends on Twitter every week. It’s all they got. It’s all they can use to hook people. AND IT KEEPS WORKING!
I want to be absolutely clear. I do not give one shit about The Bachelor but if Colton does not jump over that goddam fence tonight then I will be taking a red eye flight directly to the producers house and demanding a bare knuckle brawl. I fully expect to lose this brawl as those sneaky producers always have something up their sleeve. I’ll approach them wanting to fight and in twenty minutes they’ll have me crying about the first girl who hurt me. Regardless of the outcome, I will let my position be known.
Colton, you better jump over that fucking fence tonight. Or I’m burning it all down.
