If you’re a reader of the blog, then you’re abundantly aware of my loyalty to Planet Fitness, Home to the 30 Minute Express Workout Zone ©. Anyway, it’s time to come clean to you all. For the past few months, I’ve been frequenting a new gym instead of Planet Fitness. But in solidarity (laziness) to Planet Fitness I kept the meter running on my membership. Yes ladies, you heard that right, I got that $10/month throwing around money. I just got it like that.
But, the time came when I could no longer just fund Planet Fitness’ crusade against low-self esteem for the heck of it. So I gave my favorite gym a quick call. Sure I was initially taken aback when the woman on the phone didn’t immediately recognize my voice even though I’ve been their unpaid spokesperson for years. I decided to be the bigger person and move past this and that’s when it got bad. When I politely asked if I could cancel my membership they told me that I would have to physically come in to their location to cancel in person.
And finally the question I had been wondering all these years had been answered. How was Planet Fitness able to stay in business on their $10/month membership fee? The answer is that no one in the history of Planet Fitness goers has ever cancelled their membership. Once you sign up you basically just submit to the fact that you’ll be sending 10 dollars a month to Planet Fitness like they are a child in Africa you’re trying to feed.
And it makes perfect sense. If you’re too lazy to go to the gym to work out then you are definitely too lazy to go just to cancel the membership. It’s not worth the bother. AND THEY KNOW IT! The “Judgement Free Zone” is actually as judgmental as it gets. They saw the people who were walking through their doors and they made a bet that they’d eventually be too lazy to stop paying their bills.
Planet Fitness likes to make fun of the gym rats who “lift things up and put them down”. Well the only thing I’m lifting up and putting down is my foot. This is the end for the (unpaid) partnership between Planet Fitness and myself.
