It’s May which means another crop of absolute morons is graduating from college. I mean, erhm, congrats? Yeah congrats! You worked so hard to get to this point and you finally achieved your goal! Wait what goal was that again? Oh yeah being a complete fucking idiot!
I mean what now huh? What now DUMBASS? You’re excited to be leaving the place where you have no defined schedule or actual responsibilities to enter the place where that is all you have? Oh are you tired of all the day time TV and naps? Go take another nap.
I mean honestly, and I say this with the utmost respect, you must be the dumbest fuckers alive. Statistically there is a greater sample size available of people who went on to have regular jobs and be miserable than ever before. Just look at the data you dumbfucks! Did they not teach you how to read in between bong hits or something?
Oh what was that? You said you’re going to be a consultant? A job that you’ve dreamed of since you were a kid and something that will truly make you feel fulfilled. Well if that’s the case then please excuse my above statement. Had I known that I would refrained from calling you a dumbfuck because you’re actually King DumbFuck. Yep. There’s a special place for you on the dumbfuck mantel. It would be a disservice not to take you out among the common peasant dumb fucks and parade you around like the King DumbFuck you are. You were a dumbfuck as a kid. You must be a part of the royal dumbfuck bloodline!
Listen, I know my words are harsh but please heed my advice. Take action now. You still have time to do something smart like go streaking at your graduation. They won’t be able to give you your diploma and maybe you’ll be lucky enough to stick around for another year.
Take it from me, the dumbfuck writing this from his desk job.
