Last night, during the Democratic National Debate, Presidential candidate Andrew Yang did what no other Presidential candidate in history has done before: put himself directly into America’s friendzone.
What he actually did was offer his freedom dividend to 10 families for one full year. Nice sure but also it reeks of desperation. REEKS. What game show type move is it to give away free money to get votes? Feels a lot like me promising to replace the water fountains with kool-aid dispensers in my middle school student government speech. NO MORE HOMEWORK!
But even more than that, for me this drew such strong parallels to a dude stuck so far in the friendzone that he becomes delusional. Remember that kid in highschool who would buy his best girl friend jewelry while she dated other dudes? That’s Andrew Yang folks.
Oh bud, that’s so sweet of you but we just don’t like that. Andrew is out here giving out thousands of dollars so that voters look nice when they go to the polls to vote for Biden.
Listen pal, I feel for you so I’m going to give you some advice. Even if the voters go through a messy break up with Biden and they come to you and ask why all candidates can’t be like you, don’t fall for it. They’ll say “ugh if only I could find a candidate that matches your qualifications” and you’ll be like “I am a candidate that matches my qualifications” and they’ll says “lol you’re so funny but I love you like a secretary of commerce, not a president!” while they are voting for Cory Booker in the parking lot of their old middle school.
