The Head vs. The Heart
Los Angeles Chargers at Baltimore Ravens (-2.5)
Sunday, Jan 6 – 1:05 EST
The Head:
I simply do not understand this “nobody wants to see the Ravens in the playoffs” narrative. Baltimore did go 6-1 in rookie QB Lamar Jackson’s starts, but it was their defense leading the way. What Jackson does best is to use his legs – 695 yards and five touchdowns on the ground, for 4.7 yards per carry. Through the air? 1,201 yards, 6 TDs, 3 INTs, and a 58.2% completion percentage.
And Jackson’s weapons on offense? Gus Edwards, Buck Allen, Willie Snead, Michael Crabtree, and John Brown.
If the Ravens get behind, I’m sorry, but they’re not coming back. In Lamar Jackson’s six wins, zero of them saw the Ravens losing in the fourth quarter – though I will give Jackson and the Ravens credit for nearly coming back against the mighty Chiefs.
This Chargers team really should be the two-seed, and there’s no chance that the Ravens beat them twice in three weeks.
Pick: Chargers +2.5
The Heart:
This Ravens team had no business winning their division. Two of the ten best offensive players in the league decided to quit on the Steelers, the Browns aren’t ready yet, and as far as I’m concerned, those are the only three teams in the AFC North.
Lamar Jackson is overrated. The Ravens put lipstick on a turd this year and snuck into the playoffs, thanks to their defense. Five months ago, they wanted to fire their coach. Now I’m pretty sure they want to trade him.
Philip Rivers is a douchebag, but this is the year that he and his bolo tie finally make a postseason run.
Pick: Chargers +2.5
Philadelphia Eagles at Chicago Bears (-6)
Sunday, Jan 6 – 4:40 EST
The Head:
That Nick Foles magic. I’d let him operate on me.
There is no statistic to measure the confidence that Nick Foles brings to this team. Actually, that’s not true at all – this team finished the season 3-0 with Foles at the helm and needed every one of those W’s to sneak into the playoffs. In that span, Foles ranked first in the NFL in completion percentage (77%), passing yards (962), and yards per attempt (8.5).
This game is going to be close. The gap between the Bears’ top-three defense and the Eagles offense is probably wider than the one between the Bears offense and the Eagles defense. On paper the Bears should win this. But the game isn’t played on paper – it’s played on Chicago’s Soldier Field while thousands of drunk Polish-Americans look on.
Yeah, Chicago should win. But even if they do, they won’t cover. Matt Nagy and Doug Pederson are cut from the same cloth – they know what to expect from each other.
Oh, while we’re on the subject – bank on (at least) one of these two teams attempting a trick play at some point – you heard it here first.
Pick: Eagles +6
The Heart:
Nick Foles has an enormous penis, and that goes a long way (get it?). This team believes in him like Tom Cruise believes in Scientology.
A six-point spread is insulting – Mitch Trubisky practically just had his braces removed. The Eagles are winning this game. And then the next one. Then the next one. Then the Super Bowl.
Pick: Eagles +6
