Over the past few years it seems like sneakerhead culture has grown from a small subculture to extremely mainstream. And frankly I just don’t get it. There are so many reasons to not wear nice shoes. Here are my main reasons:
1) Nice Shoes, I Know You Poop
I know that it’s 2018 and pooping shouldn’t be seen as faux pas but it just is. And I know it’s natural and I know everyone does it but I still generally like to live by the “if I don’t see it, it doesn’t exist” mentality when it comes to other people pooping. This rule truly comes into play in the workplace. If you’re wearing normal shoes then go on and poop in peace. But if you have particularly unique shoes and I catch a glimpse of them under the stall now the idea of you pooping has become a reality. Now I got a picture of what you look like in your most vulnerable state. This is especially bad if you have a relative position of power. How am I going to respect you now that I know for a fact that you poop? You want me to take orders from a guy that is straight up gonna drop trou and let loose on a workplace toilet stall. No sir. Just because you aren’t going to have self-respect doesn’t mean I’m not. Now I have no boss. Great, I’m directionless at work because you had to let your body take care of it’s natural waste while wearing cool shoes.
2) You Make Yourself A Target In Sports
This is more of a gripe from my past but I think it’s still a relevant lesson for the youth. Back in the day when I played soccer, there was always one saucy asshole on the other team who would show up wearing highlighter yellow or green cleats. Why would you make yourself such a target? When I saw a kid wearing flashy cleats I made my entire job that game to make sure they didn’t have a good game. Did this make me a bad soccer player? Yep. But I didn’t care. I just wanted this over self-esteemed kid to feel like the rest of us teens. Why should he have the confidence to wear literal spotlights on his feet? These cleats were a sign that he was a star and he wanted everyone to know it. No. He was going to leave that game doubting himself and worrying about his upcoming math test if I had anything to say about it. Except probably not because these kids were always really good at soccer and their self esteem was unbreakable.
3) You Wear Them On Your Feet
Feet are dirty. It’s weird that people are out here spending huge money on the grossest part of their bodies. What’s that old saying? You can put lipstick on a pig but it’s still a pig. You can put Jordans on your feet but they’re still your gross ass feet. Doesn’t paint the same visual picture but you get it.
