Welcome to the 2019 NFL season – it’s already hilarious. One game in, the Bears have scored zero points other than the three that came off the foot of their kicker. Antonio Brown’s Raiders stay culminated on zero snaps. Jerry Jones has more mouths to feed than a soup kitchen.
And also welcome back to Stein vs. The Field! I showed up just in time for the playoffs last year, and helped you to a 6-4-1 record if you followed. I’m still bitter about not being 7-3-1 thanks to the pass interference no-call in Saints/Rams, but hey, I got the Super Bowl right.
In the playoffs, there’s fewer games and higher stakes. So I won’t be giving you the Head vs. the Heart that millions around the country came to adore me for. I’ll bring that back come January. But what I will do, is pick each game for you, and highlight three locks each week.
Remember, all of us here at Shenanigang do not condone any form of sports gambling. Lol, just kidding.
THE LOCKS
Washington Redskins at Philadelphia Eagles (-10)
Sunday, Jan 8 – 1:05 EST
When this line first opened at -8.5, I mortgaged my parents’ home without telling them. And it’s always vindicating to watch the spread continue to grow after you’ve thrown your money and/or parents’ home on the favorite. This has now grown into the largest spread of Week 1, and you should still take it.
The Eagles look tremendous coming into this season. I mean top-5 roster tremendous. There isn’t a deeper team in the league that’s better built to endure injuries throughout the season, but we’ve already known that about them the last few years. The offense is stacked with talent literally everywhere – there are essentially zero vulnerabilities on offense. On defense, the LB core and the safeties are a bit thin, but GM Howie Roseman has always prioritized the defensive line first. And they’re ready to ball out like it’s 2017.
On the other side of the ball, the Redskins have essentially zero offensive talent outside of their offensive line – where most players are either injured or hate the team. And Case Keenum is getting the start at QB for Washington. Here’s my theory why: rookie Dwayne Haskins is obviously being groomed for the job. But you can’t put him out there to underperform, get booed, and then benched. You put the veteran shitty QB, not the rookie shitty QB out there at first to underperform, get booed, and then benched. That way, Haskins is either the savior, or just as bad as Keenum, so might as well play him. Does that sound like a foundation to start the season covering spreads?
Pick: Eagles -10
Cincinnati Bengals at Seattle Seahawks (-9.5)
Sunday, Jan 8 – 4:05 EST
We now go from the largest Week 1 spread to the second-largest. Cincinnati is an absolute trainwreck of a team without any semblance of a roster. This reminds me of when Big 10 teams bus in Division IV schools from Guam to beat 82-0 opening week. The Seattle defense, with newly acquired toy Jadeveon Clowney, will hold Andy Dalton’s offense to 13 points or below.
Don’t forget that Seattle the NFL’s rushing offense last year at 160 ypg, while switching in and out injured backs – Chris Carson should provide them with some stability there – I think he’s going to have a 1,000-yard season, easy. Meanwhile, the Bengals had the NFL’s fourth-worst rushing defense in 2018 in terms of yardage, and surrendered 4.7 yards per carry.
This game reeks of 30-13.
Pick: Seahawks -9.5
UNDERDOG LOCK
Pittsburgh Steelers at New England Patriots (-6)
Sunday, Jan 8 – 8:20 EST
I know what you’re thinking, spreads of -10 and -9.5 thus far aren’t the ballsiest of takes when you’re giving guarantees. So how ‘bout an underdog lock?
Take the Steelers +6. They have a renewed sense of focus with all their headaches gone, and don’t forget all the playmakers this team has on both sides of the ball. While I think JuJu is a tad overrated (he was way too high on most fantasy boards, in my opinion), the man can flat-out ball.
On the flipside, we all know how little the Patriots seem to care about anything in September. They have better things to do in September than play football. Catch a Red Sox game at Fenway, hang out at Faneuil Hall, scout criminals and headcases for the roster.
This is going to be an amazing Sunday night game, but I don’t see the Pats covering, even with AB in town.
Pick: Steelers +6
AND ALL THE REST
Atlanta Falcons at Minnesota Vikings (-3.5)
Pick: Falcons +3.5
Buffalo Bills at New York Jets (-2.5)
Pick: Jets -2.5
Baltimore Ravens at Miami Dolphins (+7)
Pick: Ravens -7
San Francisco 49ers at Tampa Bay Buccaneers (-1)
Pick: Buccaneers -1
Kansas City Chiefs at Jacksonville Jaguars (+3)
Pick: Jags +3
Tennessee Titans at Cleveland Browns (-6)
Pick: Browns -6
Los Angeles Rams at Carolina Panthers (+1.5)
Pick: Panthers +1.5
Detroit Lions at Arizona Cardinals (+3)
Pick: Cardinals +3
Indianapolis Colts at Los Angeles Chargers (-6.5)
Pick: Colts +6.5
New York Giants at Dallas Cowboys (-7)
Pick: Cowboys -7
Houston Texans at New Orleans Saints (-6.5)
Pick: Saints -6.5
Denver Broncos at Oakland Raiders (+2)
Pick: Oakland +2 (I might be crazy)
