You know me, I’m not super into college football. College is for awkward sexual experiences and unsuccessfully rushing fraternities, not for athletics.
But that doesn’t mean I can’t do a draft preview! Below you’ll find an outlook on each of the 32 teams. Admittedly, some are more serious than others.
NFC
North
Chicago Bears
The Chicago Bears will be using each of their picks to draft various kickers. They will come into the season with an unprecedented seven of them on their 53-man roster, and each will have a chance to show their stuff over the course of the season.
All seven will be cut after the 2019 season, and the Bears will try the strategy all over again in the 2020 draft.
Detroit Lions
There is serious work to be done on this roster devoid of offensive playmakers and impact defensive players. Both sides of the line need help, and Kenny Golladay and Marvin Jones aren’t enough to carry the offense. But I expect Patricia to stay true to hit roots and look to defense in the first round.
This is a make-or-break year, and therefore draft, for the Lions. Matthew Stafford is dangerously close to becoming the next Philip Rivers.
Green Bay Packers
It’s a new age in Green Bay, but it’s too little, too late. Green Bay has wasted Aaron Rodgers’ prime years, and though he still has 3-4 years left of beastliness, his best is in the rearview mirror.
Whomever the Packers take on the offensive end will be highly scrutinized in the wake of Bleacher Report’s crushing article. Might be best served bolstering the pass rush, and then looking for offensive skill players at the bottom of the draft where there’s less fanfare (and admittedly talent).
Minnesota Vikings
The Vikings missed their window, and now the Bears are the class of the division for the foreseeable future. Kirk Cousins clearly has no guts, and fractures between him and his receiving group began to appear toward the end of last season’s collapse.
But hey, let them go through the motions, see if I care. Their o-line blows, and they probably need to replace Kyle Rudolph.
East
Dallas Cowboys
As much as I hate to say it, the Cowboys had a nice draft last year, highlighted by the stud that is Leighton Vander Esch. And they’re off to a good start already in this years draft, as their first-round pick is essentially Amari Cooper, who helped turn things around for the Cowgirls last season.
There seems to be a split with DeMarcus Lawrence looming, so I’d be shocked if Dalls doesn’t go hunting for the D (line). Jason Witten coming back is hilarious on so many levels, and they definitely still need to draft a TE.
New York Giants
I would not be shocked if the Giants drafted defense. The team realizes it’s looking for a quarterback one year too late – hey, why not make it two? In fairness, even with Odell Beckham Jr. being FedExed to Cleveland, there are still some weapons on this offense. But there’s also Eli Manning.
If the Giants go defense, they could literally draft any position – they’re all needs. But I also wouldn’t be shocked if they packaged some of their league-high 12 picks in this draft, and looked to move up for a QB. That’s what they should do, but the Giants haven’t been operating off should recently.
Philadelphia Eagles
GM Howie Roseman loves to draft the defensive line early, and it’s pretty simple why – a dominant d-line won the 2017 Eagles (and many other teams) a Super Bowl championship.
If one of the top pass rushers falls to the mid-first round, don’t be surprised if Roseman trades up to snag someone he likes.
I also expect them to address the following needs during the draft: LB, OL, RB, WR, S.
Washington Redskins
Team President Bruce Allen gathers his draft team together to rank Washington’s quarterback prospects.
“Wait, what about that Alex Smith guy?” asks owner Daniel Snyder, to which Allen opens his laptop and pulls up YouTube.
South
Atlanta Falcons
If you could fill your entire 53-man roster with wide receivers, the Falcons would win the Super Bowl every year. They scout the position better than any team in football, and pretty much nothing else.
Their biggest draft need: a time machine that will let them go back to 28-3 in the third quarter.
Carolina Panthers
The Panthers have finally realized that their best player, running back, and wide receiver can’t be the same person. It leads to a seven-game losing streak after starting 6-2 (lol).
D.J. Moore might end up being the real deal, but Carolina should still dip its toe back in the receiver pool. Knowing the Panthers, though, they’ll draft defense. One of the 40 defensive beasts out of Clemson this year should do the trick.
New Orleans Saints
Pass interference joke, blah blah blah.
The Saints need to hit on the offensive line, with Max Unger’s retirement and Drew Brees well into his forties. Any help on all levels of the defense is badly needed, especially for any team looking to survive the NFC South, let alone compete for a Super Bowl.
Unfortunately for the Saints, the Packers are the proud owners of their first-round pick, which comes at a time that the Saints really need another great draft. I’m curious to see how New Orleans plays this.
Tampa Bay Buccaneers
Asked in a pre-draft interview what he believes are the Bucs’ biggest needs coming into the draft, Jameis Winston shrugs and replies, “probably quarterback.”
Winston immediately receives a call from his publicist.
West
Arizona Cardinals
Reports are that Kyler Murray has fallen on their big board – don’t believe the slight-of-hand. However, I will say that I have questioned the pairing from the beginning. On one hand, if they don’t like Rosen and they think Murray is their guy, Rosen’s first-round selection is a sunk cost – you do what you have to do. But on the other hand, what an enormous waste of draft capital that was…
Regardless of who’s under center for the Cards, they need weapons for them. Look for the Cardinals to draft WR and OL, in addition to beefing up on pass rushers.
Los Angeles Rams
The Rams have a clear strategy on defense– sign 34-year-old free agents to one-year deals and ignore the defensive side of the ball in the draft.
And somebody has to ask the question – after Todd Gurley’s disappearing act last year, is there a chance that the Rams need a running back??
San Francisco 49ers
I think the Niners have one of the more no-brainer selections here, and they select Nick Bosa to pair with Dee Ford on the defensive line. The two of them have as good a chance of running down Russell Wilson as any pair in the NFC West.
Deepening the WR core also has to be a priority, as does finding some secondary relief. Richard Sherman, seriously?
Seattle Seahawks
It’s bye-bye Frank Clark, but boy did they get a nice haul for him. Still, that’s production that needs to be replaced. Seattle will be looking for an impact edge rusher, as well as pass-catching help. No team has gotten more out of their wide receivers than Seattle, and the lion’s share of the credit there should go to Russell Wilson.
The secondary will be addressed as well. And c’mon, it’s the Seahawks – they’re always looking for more offensive linemen.
AFC
North
Baltimore Ravens
There’s one simple goal for this draft – get Lamar Jackson some weapons. He impressed down the stretch last year, even more so because Baltimore was completely and utterly devoid of offensive firepower. A complete overhaul is necessary – RB, WR, TE, OL. Everything
On defensive, look for the Ravens to fill the hole left by C.J. Mosley at inside linebacker.
Cincinnati Bengals
The Bengals open backdoor communications with the Cleveland Browns and beg for a merger between the two Ohio teams. They offer up all of their draft picks, Skyline Chili, and Procter & Gamble.
The Browns scan the Bengals’ roster and never return Cincy’s call.
Cleveland Browns
The excitement in Cleveland is at an all-time high, and 2019’s draft has a different purpose than usual for the Browns – plug the last few holes, rather than change the fate of a franchise.
The Brownies don’t have a first-rounder (for all the right reasons), but expect them to look for a secondary mate for Denzel Ward. Their top two safeties are also in the final years of their respective deals.
Other than that, maybe some o-line reinforcements? A linebacker? This team is pretty stacked.
Pittsburgh Steelers
The Steelers have had two of the most embarrassing consecutive years that a team can have. Sure, the Browns went 1-31 over a two-season stretch recently, but they’re the Browns. These are the Steelers.
On offense, JuJu Smith-Schuster should be a fine WR1, but he needs a running mate. On defense, the needs are more pressing – LB and secondary come to mind. A corner like Byron Murphy comes to mind – Washington has produced some great NFL corners recently. And also Sidney Jones.
The Steelers need to convince ownership and the fanbase this season that it’s not time to blow things up.
East
Buffalo Bills
Another defensive bread-and-butter team. So stay true to yourself and stock up.
However, there’s chatter that the Bills like Iowa TE Noah Fant, which makes a lot of sense. He’s the clear-cut best TE in the draft, and there’s no better friend for a young QB than a tight end.
Miami Dolphins
The Dolphins are pretty much rebooting their franchise under first-year head coach Brian Flores. He’s a defensive guy, but they need to start with quarterback. Ryan Tannehill tricked this team into seven (seven!) years down the drain with him at the helm, and that needs to end now. Maybe the Dolphins believe their guy will be available at 13. Maybe they move up.
Either way, they need a quarterback now. Don’t believe the hype that they want to wait a year to get their guy.
Other needs? Everything. But you gotta start somewhere.
New England Patriots
Bill Belichick turned to his draft team in early March and said “Hey, my birthday is 4/16/1952. Start scouting accordingly.”
The morning of the draft, it is announced that the Patriots have traded every pick in their next three drafts in order to acquire the 4th, 16th, 19th, and 52nd picks in 2019. National pundits decry it as the official end of the dynasty. ESPN covers it non-stop for weeks. Colin Cowherd calls Belichick “overrated.”
The Patriots select three-future hall of famers and the greatest left-footed punters the league has ever seen. They win ten of the next twelve Super Bowls.
New York Jets
The Jets would be smart to take stud DT Quinnen Williams at No. 3. But in my opinion, they’d be even smarter to trade down for some extra draft capital, and then select Christian Wilkins, a beast of a DT in his own right.
That way, they have more picks for their other needs – edge rusher, secondary, and receiving corps. Don’t forget offensive line to keep their young quarterback upright.
South
Houston Texans
The Texans aren’t used to picking as low as 23, but someone should assure them that it’s a good thing. Bolstering the offensive line is a no-brainer – DeShaun Watson was sacked a league-high 62 times last year. And that was in a season coming back from a torn ACL.
After that, I’d still focus on the offense. A true No. 2 receiver would work wonders, as would a TE. And the Texans have historically had issues admitting they need RB upgrades, from holding onto the remains of Arian Foster for way too long, to convincing themselves that Lamar Miller is the answer at halfback.
Indianapolis Colts
GM Chris Ballard is off to a fantastic start, and absolutely nailed last year’s draft. This year should once again be about defense, and more weapons for Andrew Luck. Even with the Justin Houston addition, they’ll be looking to add more push rushers.
When T.Y. Hilton is healthy, he can be a top-7 receiver in the league. The Colts need to get him a sidekick.
Jacksonville Jaguars
Nick Foles is at his best when he has a strong defense. Check. But he also needs a solid, multi-faceted running game, a decent No. 1 receiver, and a safety valve TE. Not checks.
The Jags need to get him all of the above, while also fortifying the offensive line. Nick’s brilliance does not come through his mobility, that’s for sure.
Basically, the Jaguars need to recreate the 2017 Eagles as much as possible. Though they won’t be able to replicate that team’s incredible chemistry and culture, similar personnel isn’t a bad start.
Tennessee Titans
The Tennessee Titans go into the 2019 draft looking to make their team more exciting. They start by picking up an interior linemen in the first round, followed by a TE they characterize as “a real character guy.” Next, they scoop up a fullback, and finally finish the draft out by selecting three promising special teams gunners.
West
Denver Broncos
Denver staffers tie John Elway up in a straight jacket in an attempt to keep him from drafting another shitty quarterback. Thinking they have the situation under control, Broncos scouts are about to select inside linebacker Devin Bush when they find out that Elway has traded up in the first round to select Buffalo QB Tyree Jackson. Using only his tongue.
Kansas City Chiefs
Defense, defense, and more defense.
Getting rid of defensive coordinator Bob Sutton was a good start. Switching out Dee Ford for Frank Clark was even better, even if they gave up quite the haul.
But the final step is a defense-focused draft – which admittedly is a bit tougher now that they don’t have a first-round pick. They need to hit on CB, CB, CB, S, and CB. LB wouldn’t hurt either.
That being said, as explosive as their offense was last year, it can’t be totally ignored. Tyreek Hill is Tyreek Hill, but he may end up seriously disciplined by the league for yet another domestic incident. And even if he doesn’t, a high-volume possession receiver to play second fiddle might take defenses from little chance to no chance.
Don’t forget – Kareem Hunt’s gone, and there’s a hole at RB too.
Los Angeles Chargers
Does anybody care about the Chargers? Do I have to do this?
The Chargers are never going anywhere – every time you think they’re finally dangerous, they embarrass themselves. They went 14-2 in 2006, and lost in their first playoff game. Last year, they went 12-4 with some incredible road wins: at Seattle, at Pittsburgh, at Kansas City. Then in the playoffs, they almost blew it to a rookie QB and then had their tires slashed by Tom Brady and the Patriots.
Draft needs? A winning culture and quarterback. How bout that?
Oakland Raiders
Ah, yes. The Raiders. Owners of three first-round picks (No. 4, 24, and 27). They traded away some serious talent to acquire these picks, so the pressure is most certainly on.
Josh Allen would look pretty nice coming off the edge in black and silver. If he ends up half as good as Khalil Mack, then Oakland will be sitting pretty the next 4-5 years. The rest of the defense needs a facelift as well – CB, LB, even S could be fortified.
